where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got chris browned last night
Swine flu. Run for my life!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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