Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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