Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
