Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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