Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
