is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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