you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
