i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
