i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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