cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
