TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
