Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize