left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
