Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
