you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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