Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
