It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
