you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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