Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
