i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
smell my finger.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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