Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
either way he was missing a nipple.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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