Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
