just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
