Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're my little dorito
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
