Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
