I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
