we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
