Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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