You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Less talking, more tequila
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
