real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
