no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
