No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
