Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
