And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
