can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
