The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
