today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
they're like a gay fantastic four
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
