i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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