I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
