I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Fuck appropriateness.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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