do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
