whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
