The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
