You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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