know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
