i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
