if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
