but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
