what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
