somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
