she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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