Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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