grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I puked a lego.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
