Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
